Just Don't Suck

Happy New Year all! I’ve taken an extended break from posts while I worked on a book (due out later this year). While I was working away, a song popped in my head and wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote it down. It’s about my complicated relationship with motherhood. It’s tongue in cheek, y’all — no hate mail, please.

I actually have a whole tune for it, but you’ll just get the words for now. Picture me sitting on top of a piano in athleisure for the full effect. Let’s see what melody you sing to!

Just Don’t Suck

Table covered in Lego
Dirty dishes everywhere
All the socks asunder
Can’t ever find a pair

Kinda all stupid
I know it’s mundane
But the lack of control
drives me insane

I know I chose this
But you have to admit
There’s something you could do bout it
You could…just suck less

Just don’t suck
Don’t be so lame
It’s easy to behave
And take no blame
Just don’t suck
Don’t be a fool
Mommy loves you
More when you’re cool

Half talk/half sing:
Where are my forks?
Where are your shoes?
Why can’t we keep it together
That’s why I sing the blues

Momma’s had a headache
since 2009
Flush the toilet it smells
Go to bed, it’s my “me” time

People say you’re an angel
Am I doing this right?
It’s hard to know
That’s my dang plight

I know I chose this
But you have to admit
There’s something you could do bout it
You could…just suck less

Just don’t suck
Don’t be so lame
It’s easy to behave
And take no blame
Just don’t suck
Don’t be a fool
Mommy loves you
More when you’re cool

Chant:
Popsicle sticks, popcorn everywhere
How’d you find my chocolate stash. It’s not fair.
Monday’s pajama day, wear blue on Thursday
Bring a rose for teacher and… ugh I don’t care.

I know I chose this
But you have to admit
There’s something you could do about it
You could…just suck less

Just don’t suck
Don’t be so lame
It’s easy to behave
And take no blame
Just don’t suck
Don’t be a fool
Mommy loves you
More when you’re cool

Where are my forks?
Where are your shoes?
Why can’t we keep it together
That’s why I sing
That’s why I sing
That’s why I sing
The blues

Mutter:
Recycling’s not that complicated

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