Demonstrate Respect: Step #3
STEP 3: Demonstrate respect
How do you demonstrate respect every day? It’s a good question, especially when times are tough. This article is where I am trying to convert a simple concept, “I see you, and I respect you”, into a few repeatable behaviors. The below focuses on how I lead a team every day. These aren’t special events, rather the constant respect and leadership I demonstrate towards as many people as possible both 1:1 and at scale. I explain culture as what we do everyday, and you’ll see that evidenced below.
“I see you”
Without being overbearing or creepy of course, I try to demonstrate to my employees that I see them – and in doing so, I respect what they bring to the table. There are three main forums where I can do this regularly:
Skip-level 1:1s: With my direct reports, I typically have weekly 1:1s. As my organization grows larger, I like to have skip-level 1:1s with indirect reports on a less frequent basis. These are quick half hour meetings where I meet directly with team members who report within my organization but not directly to me. When my org is small, these may be monthly or quarterly, and then I reduce the frequency as we grow and add more reporting layers. Regardless, skip-levels help me build relationships between me and my team, and they also model open communication across my team. I have specific sessions of these to welcome new team members for the same reason.
Office Hours: Similar to the above, but I simply have blocks of time on my calendar, e.g. 1 hour a week, where people can book 20 minute slots with me. These are used by my team, but sometimes people find them from outside of the team too. This allows the free flow of information whenever individuals have issues they want to discuss with me, whether specific to their work, team, career or personal life.
All Team Meetings: A group version of the above where the whole team is invited to an open forum. I answer “Ask Me Anything” questions there. We also have different presenters from the team share on topics they bring to the table, often ‘best practice’ tools or lessons they are sharing. The topics, content, and questions all help me learn more about the team, their successes and challenges.
I should note that none of these work if we aren’t committed to active listening. If our main objective is to send a message and we do most of the talking, then we miss a real opportunity to hear and learn from our team members. I try to leave the agenda more open at all of these, and go where the conversation takes me. This has allowed me to see and hear what I normally wouldn’t as a leader.
“I respect you”
There are multiple ways to demonstrate leadership and respect at the same time, although I see many counterexamples too. Let’s run through some of my top three tips -
Work the schedule: Set up a cadence like the above to interact with the team. By doing so, you show that you care what they think and say.
Show up: Commit and show up fully present to every interaction. Reduce distractions during 1:1s or when others are presenting. Close your laptop, silence your phone. I hear anecdote after anecdote about leaders who don’t pay attention. Your team notices.
Share space: Can we listen more than we speak? Can we allow different opinions from our own and allow other ideas to breathe? I’ve had to practice not immediately reacting or rebutting, but rather seeing whether a different point deserves more air time.
There are many additional ideas from here, especially when we think about recruiting and retaining a diverse workforce. However I find the above forms a strong foundation for me. If I commit and practice the above, then I find I have more opportunities to demonstrate respect (e.g. via funding ideas and programs).
Aim for imperfect
As with many parts of leadership, I am not perfect in this area. My meeting schedule often reduces the amount of contact I would optimally like to have with my team. Or I talk too much in a 1:1 and don’t ask enough. But it’s in aiming to do these things that I show my care and respect. Often while I feel sheepish that I haven’t been able to follow through as I would like, my team members will tell me that I am the first Director who met with them 1:1 at all. It matters to try.
